I always wondered who I was suppose to be. I blamed the men that sexually abused me of robbing me of my future. I had wonderful careers, but my past always got in the way. I was always doing good for a few months, and like clock work my past would come back to haunt me. I'd start hiding things, pushing my thoughts out of my mind until they completely consumed me. Then I'd crash and end up going back to therapy. They would prescribe me different meds.
Oh my how I hated new meds. I'd have to deal with the detox from the one I stopped taking and the side effects from the new meds, all while still trying to function. I thought I had to be funny, because no one wants to be around a sad person. On top of that, I was expected be there for everyone that needed you, and cry only when the kids are not around!
Trying to keep it together at all times is so exhausting. My husband used to tell me to just not think about it, as if it were that simple. Why could I just not think about it ? It should be easy right ?
I use to blame my husband for not understanding. Today I UNDERSTAND that he can't understand. It’s just not possible. Now that I realize that, we are definitely in a better place. He now can now be supportive, because I stopped hiding and tell him how I feel and what’s going on in my brain.
Since this is a blog and not another book I guess I should get to the point I am trying to make: We can not expect others to understand if we constantly hide what’s going on. Yes I am a survivor, but I am still “ beautifully broken”. Once you ask for help, and really want to make a change, you will see that people are not as bad as we think ;)
Psalms 147:3 NLT
He heals the broken-hearted and bandages their wounds.
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