Do you ever have a gut feeling, but go against it ? I have.
UGH! I should have gone with my first thought! we think to ourselves, just to do it again next time. We as humans tend to overthink everything. We worry, what are people going to say, am I going to disappoint everyone? Why do we feel that everyone is so much more important than us? Our goal everyday is to not be categorized as selfish.
Well let me tell you… you have to start being selfish. I know that sounds wrong, but no need to freak out; I am not suggesting you stop caring about any and everyone. I am talking about putting yourself first so that you are not stuck in a bad place. A lot of us can't even envision what that would look like because we are so concerned about pleasing everyone BUT ourselves. When I say you need to be selfish, I am talking about a healthy type of selfish (yes, there is such a thing).
Let me fill you in just a little what that looks like to me. A little over a year ago, with God's help, I realized that I needed change. This time, rearranging my furniture or getting a haircut was not going to do it for me. For many years, Ive replayed my dad’s words in my mind. When I was around 20 years old, he told me “look, if you are not doing good, your kids will not be doing good,”.
Even after he said that to me, I let society, and it’s many opinions of what a mother should be, hold me back for over 20 years.
A little over a year ago I decided to learn how to be selfish. I decided to step up and step out of this dark place I was stuck in.
I knew that I would make a lot of people uncomfortable. I have tried for so long to protect my family, when really, by allowing myself to be in this dark place, I did more harm then good! Me not taking the time to be selfish hurt my children, my husband, my parents, brother and of even myself.
No one wants to talk about childhood sexual abuse. It's painful for everyone involved. What are our neighbors and friends going to say? What will they think of me? we worry.
A distant relative contacted me a couple of months ago telling me that I should be ashamed of myself. That this is not a topic that should be discussed on social media, and as a matter of fact "WE TAKE THAT TO OUR GRAVE".
We all have the right to be selfish enough to heal! If you are not good, you’re not doing anyone around you any favors. THAT, is the kind of selfish I am talking about. We will not have even the slightest chance of healing, if we keep all of our problems bottled up and are held prisoner by our own minds simply because we feel to need to constantly please other people! Again, I am not talking about being recklessly selfish, but a healthy selfish. Be selfish. Heal. Today is the first day of forever.
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